A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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