I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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