he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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