Got a toothbrush?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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