God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize