We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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