pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
