Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
