it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Congratulations! We have a period
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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