Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
