But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
