I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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