Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
