Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
