She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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