Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
