i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
