Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
