Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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