went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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