I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
