I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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