Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
