with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
