It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
