this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
