If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just forgot I was standing up.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
