..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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