Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
