Me. At least after what I've been through.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
