Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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