If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
