I'm gonna have a badass scar
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
