Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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