What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
