So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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