I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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