you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
