I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
