Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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