This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
