You made me cry and you don't even care
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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