I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
