R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
