i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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