i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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