i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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