Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you had me at cake vodka
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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