We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
