Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I want her autograph on my taint
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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