I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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