Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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