I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
