all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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