When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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