Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
