If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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