i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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