dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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