she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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