Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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