1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
