I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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