like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
