Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
