So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
