TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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