My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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