I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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