FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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