We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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