So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Drunk is not a location!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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