mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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