so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
